Monday, January 19, 2009

Subway Etiquette

This has been nagging at me for a while now. As a frequent (read daily) rider of the subway, I have come to notice some things that really really piss me off. In a (futile) effort to give people some pointers as to how to behave in the subway, I have compiled this list of things that should and should not be done in subways. The list is numbered, but when I was writing this, I did not compile which pissed me off the most or the less.

1. DO NOT LISTEN TO MUSIC ON SPEAKERS.
I'm referring here to any sort of speaker. Phone speakers, stereos, laptops, home-cinema systems, I don't care. It is disturbing the other passengers. Be aware that not everyone appreciates your type of music and leave us the fuck alone. Especially if your particular style of music is copied from a Turkish type of music and prides itself on copying rhythms from other songs (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're probably not Romanian. "Manele" is the term. If you have a burning desire to hear this horrible piece of shit, just go on youtube and search for "Nicolae Guta")

2. LET PEOPLE GET OFF THE TRAIN.
Well, considering #1 which relates to current technology and people have not accustomed to the etiquette of such technology (I'm bullshitting here making false hopes that society will realize how annoying that is) this one should be fucking obvious by now. I'm sick of people sitting in front of the door while a trainfull of people need to get down. Really there is no need to sit there. You could sit 2 cm to the left or right, but please, not in the fucking middle. What's that, someone would get the free chairs and you won't have where to sit? Well I'm sorry to hear that, but just because other people are asses doesn't really mean that you have to... right? I mean... come on. I have to get down. The train won't leave without you, and your feet won't break if you go 4 or 5 stations standing. If you go further than that you'll probably have a chair by the end. This leads me to #3.

3. OLD PEOPLE, STOP STAMPEEDING ON PEOPLE TO GET TO A FREE CHAIR
This one is pretty straightforawrd. Not once have I laughed at the wrestling matches between old hags trying to get on the train or bus. Very funny. Never degenerates into a brawl. That would even more fun to watch. Leads me to #4.

4. OLD PEOPLE PLEASE STOP MAKING A SCENE.
Well... there's a saying in the "old people world" which goes like "Youth today... why back in my day... bla bla bla". Let me be as clear as possible. Ready? I. DON'T. CARE! Not only don't I care, but neither does the piece of crap younger person, who you're making a scene to. There are a few scenarios here so I'm going to walk you through them.

Scenario 1. Old person stands patiently beside the chair of a young person while younger person sits and doesn't give the chair. At this point, the older person has 2 options. Cause a scene and not cause a scene. Cause a scene is simple. Start your monologue with "youth today" and have another friend help. It works very well at disturbing the rest of the passengers. Please. DON'T DO THIS, unless it's a medical emergency. Option 2 is curse the fucker in your head and critisize his behaviour in your head but DON'T cause a scene.

Scenario 2. Old person gets on and goes to the closest chair, and drops his groceries in the sitting person's lap. I can't even say how wrong this is. Figure it out yourselves.

Scenario 3. Young person gets up, gives you a seat and you go on a fit for some reason or another you didn't like the way he gave you his seat. This is not only disrespectful to the person who wanted to do you some good, but disturbs the rest of the passengers with your rant on "Seat giving etiquette". You ungrateful bastards.

This is a short list of things I've heard or have happened to me. There surely are a lot of other things happening out there, cause as you know, life beats fiction.

5. DON'T PICKPOCKET, FEEL GIRLS/GUYS UP
Self explanatory.

6. CLOSING DOOR ETIQUETTE
Yes. I've seen some things that made me write this part.

#1 The train was packed. At the end of the line of people who wanted to get on, there was this big fat dude. The door closing audio warning was heard. The dude literally stepped back 2 steps, and ran into the crowd of people in front of him, getting them ALL in the already overpacked train. You can imagine how that is bad. I wish I could slap that dude silly, but I would probably hurt myself more than hurt that lump of blubber. Well... I could have hit him in the nads....

#2 Old person was taking her time. She had an umbrella. I was sitting near the door. The train was almost empty. The door closing warning message was heard. She was walking way too slow (I think on purpose) so I thought she wouldn't get on. Just as the door was closing, she proceeded to extending the umbrella in between the almost closed doors. My mouth was hanging. The doors automatically opened, and she got on at her own pace. And they say the youth today has no manners. What the fuck!

7. DON'T EAT
Well, this is a bit odd, but I'm going to specify some things. Some of the peasants (I'm using this as a derogatory term) that live in my country, find it good manners to eat roasted sunflower seeds on the street. Well, I could excuse that, but I still don't enjoy the site, the subway station and subway train in general, is another story. Not once have I been witness to an asshole dropping the seed peels (I don't know another term for it) on the train floor, which looked simply filthy. And after a while it starts to stink. Do we really need another stink to the already stinking trains? Sweat, booze and bad perfume is enough. This brings me to #8.

8. DON'T LITTER
Again you would think this is rather obvious. It's not.

9. COUPLES, TRY TO ABSTAIN FROM LIKCING YOURSELVES IN THE MOUTH.
A polite peck here and there is OK, but long french kissing seeions followed by groping and other things such as that, is disturbing. Hand, in your lover's pants in a definite no no.

Now, really. Are these things so difficult to grasp. Do we, as people need to have an attitude that screams "As long as it's not mine I don't give a rat's ass.". What irks me even more, especially in regards with the littering, is the fact that these people go and complain afterwards that "Bucharest is a dirty city". Well no fucking shit Einstein. Whose fault is that?

6 comments:

  1. ...And yet, the subway is by far the most civilised common means of transport...

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  2. I should have renamed this into, public transportation etiquette. But since I don't really ride the other types that often...

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  3. whoa dude , nice job. I'll keep on readin' (and sending comments in english daca nu in romana ^^. (Banuiesc ca scrii pentru alte persoane nu de la noi din tara :) )

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  4. I'm writing for whomever will read Ender.

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  5. aahahaahh i can so relate to all of this, plus talking loud on the cell phone, eating with their mouths open, and so on :P thank god for mp3 players with enough battery to last till the end of the trip and also to books, that way i can keep my eyes down and concentrate on good reading and not a chewing gum revolving in someone's mouth or horny teenagers playing tonsil hockey in front of me :P ^^ once again, nicely done hippie :*

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  6. I would like to add something to point 5: I really dislike it when on a quite empty bus (it hasn't happened to me on a subway train), a man finds it quite appropriate to lean (read push himself) on my back; in other words push his crotch on my ass.. and continue to do so even when i descend the stairs of the bus until i get cornered at its doors... not nice

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